Walking in the fire

Coming up this week on October 10 until October 16 is Ag Mental Health Week a global outreach for farmers including New Zealand.

Each year the statistics for suicides in New Zealand include farmers who after suffering from depression have taken their own lives. It's a lonely, thankless job at times being out on the land. The big, tough stereotype of being one with the land, never showing emotion and therefore bottling up all that pain inside.

Earlier this year, a cousin of mine took his life. He was a young guy with a promising future in dairying, he was also suffering from severe depression. His employer tried watching out for him, did all he could to support him. One morning the FO came down and noticed the herd was still standing in the yard, no-one around anywhere. He went to the house and still couldn't find my cousin. Finally, he went to the barn down the race and found my cousin hanging from the beam. It was devastating for him and for our extended family.

It's a walk in the fire having a family member suffering from severe depression. Many try to give advice, tell their friend or family member to toughen up and they'll get over it. Well, people don't - instead, they take their lives. Eighteen years ago, I almost lost my eldest child to a suicide attempt, it was the worst news to get. A call from an intensive care unit doctor in Auckland to tell me on Boxing Day, my 17-year-old daughter had taken a near-fatal overdose. She was in the hospital for a while and then later was sent to Sydney to get the help she needed.

Depression and suicide attempts are not attention-seeking gimmicks to get others to feel sorry for that person. It's real, it's raw and it's downright heartbreaking. It's so devastating to watch and be helpless to do anything about it. The lessons I've learned from my own experiences with depression and suicide attempts comes down to one simple word. LISTEN.

If you know someone in your rural community who is feeling down - be that listening ear. Let them talk it out, be that voice on the end of the phone in the small hours of the morning if you have to. Just listen and don't mention the bad stuff. Offer solutions if they're asked for, give support, be a friend and walk in the fire alongside. 

It's OK to cry. It's OK to say you're hurting and feeling down. It's OK to ask for help.

Sometimes things happen in life we have no control over, can't predict and can't, at times, do a lot about.
Those are the times that you get stronger, wiser and more determined to keep focussed and keep going.
You have to stand up and walk into the fire, no matter the cost, the pain or the anguish you have inside and keep going through it until it's put out.
There's always another fire to face - it happens in life.
I've faced many fires in my life - some were almost too much to bear.
I'm stronger for it all.
Wiser for the experiences I've faced.
Whenever a new fire starts I now say to myself KEEP GOING.
I'm not afraid to cry.
I'm not afraid to ask for a friend to give me a shoulder.
I'm not afraid to say that I'm hurting.
No, it makes me stronger.
KEEP GOING.
Arohanui

 

Comments

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I wasn't aware there was an Agriculture Mental Health week. I grew up on a farm and am well aware of the stressors that farmers face. I did lose my Uncle Lloyd to suicide when I was 7. That was 55 years ago, but even today, the older generation tell me how shocked they were. So one knew about the depression Uncle Lloyd battled with. And of course, back then the stigma with depression was even greater than it is today.

    It really is so important to lend that listening ear. You never know, it just might save someone's life. Thank you again for sharing!

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